We are five weeks into our season, nine games played and five discipleship meetings with Coach Wooden. Yet one thing seems to be clear, I'm doing it wrong.
Allow me to explain.
Two weeks into our season, our top player and leader was hit in the head with a baseball and spent four days in the hospital. It was a throw from 45 feet but thrown perfectly enough to puncture his ear drum, giving him vertigo and temporary loss of hearing.
Another one of our starters is out for the year with a stress fracture in his vertebrae. Our starting shortstop is on the shelf for 7-10 days as he cannot throw. Another player cannot run due to a diagnosis regarding his leg that I cannot pronounce.
Two Saturday's ago our RF and CF collided on the second to last play of the game and put the RF out for the rest of the weekend tournament.
On Saturday, our starting LHP was trying to execute a bunt and run on a pitch up and in. The ball grazed his bat but fully connected on a spot on his cheekbone. So clean was the contact it left seams on his cheek while nearly closing his eye. Of course, we were playing with only nine as a number of other issues for that day were out of our control.
 |
| JD with the traces of the ball on his cheek |
In that same game, our sophomore super utility player stole second and got hit in the shoulder with the ball. Our RF and 2B then nearly took each other out on a shallow fly to right.
So what, you may say, that's all coincidence, Andy! Sure, I can buy that with the understanding sports have an inherent risk and things are bound to happen in the course of a season for which we may have no explanation.
In baseball, the variables are enumerable and very few things are within our control. Really, only my attitude, my response to adversity and my effort are controllable. Everything else is in that area of insanity which makes the game so beautiful in its own twisted way.
The scene in Bull Durham can describe our way (Nuke LaLoosh) and God's way (Crash Davis). God calls for the curve and in our pride, we want to announce our presence with authority, so we throw the fastball to a first pitch, fast ball hitter. The results are predictable. Will I make the adjustment or just say the hitter got lucky?
Could there be another avenue, one I am reluctant to go down simply because it indicts me? In other words, am I doing it wrong? Self deception allows us to continue in our ways. We get so used to our way and methodology because it's what we know. It's comfortable and it doesn't require much creativity, and by God, "it's always worked for me!"
It is in the darkness of their eyes that men get lost - Black Elk
In the book, "Leadership and Self Deception" there is a passage which states, "To the extent we are self deceived, our leadership is undermined at every turn-and not because of others or obstacles. It is because of us". So, when we are deceived we see neither ourselves or others very clearly. In doing what we always do, we undermine our efforts and undermine our relationships.
So because something 'works' it's good, right? To clarify, it isn't our stretching routines, practices or training methods I am calling into account. God is in the details and it seems he is more interested in small things, rather than large things. Luke 16:10. In this case, there is something else at work, something transcendent, i.e. - something God is doing and it may be up to us to catch it, hopefully before ignorance and bliss is set like concrete on this season.
Jeremiah 17:9-10 tells me all I need to know about my heart. The sobering thought today is how many times have I attributed to God's hand what is really my hand?
Well, our coaching staff is trying to figure out what God is trying to say besides, "Stop playing!" and I am in that area of not really knowing but afraid to go further because I would have to stay outside the camp for seven days like Miriam did when she was whining away about what God was doing (Numbers 12:1-16).
In Psalm 91 we are told that if we dwell in the secret place of the most high we shall abide in the shadow of the Almighty. Now, I can say with certainty I have been in and out of the secret place (mostly out) but I can still sense being in his shadow. I cannot explain it other than seeing lots of arrows coming our way but never getting through. There is a peace.
But here is the rub. Am I fooling myself (am I deceived by me) into that peace when I should be diligently taking stock of my life and how my decisions have an effect on others. Well, it is possible to have both going on at the same time. That, in part, is how we work out our salvation with fear and trembling. Philippians 2:11-13.
So, what next? This is the first time I have ever thought, "Am I the cause?". Yes, it is a bit ego-centric but not in the way typically thought when using the term. Rather, it is in the same way Jonah told his shipmates to throw him overboard in order to save the people on the boat.
Of course, my rationale isn't on par with Jonah. I don't think I have that much courage. Yet, another verse comes to mind when thinking on this thing: Proverbs 3:5-6
The tension in wanting my way to work and get credit for it while still wanting it to be God's way is an interesting scenario played out, if not daily, then weekly.
Oh, and my way? I don't want it.
No comments:
Post a Comment