Holding On To Purpose

"What's the point?". That question is really asking a larger one: "What's the purpose?"

Sort of a nihilist approach to an existence we know deep down has a purpose. Although it is a stretch to call that nihilistic in its root, the essence of the question is begging at the table.

We all come to find in some manner or method, without purpose-a reason for getting up and moving toward someone or something- it's tough sledding. Losing sight or understanding of purpose creates a cloud where navigation and intent go awry, even for a day.

The reckoning is palpable and suffocating.

I imagine the nautical metaphors fit well here. Lost at sea, drifting aimlessly, anchorless, and others seem to capture the human condition without purpose.

I think existence itself is somewhat tricky, too. Lately, I've been musing upon generation after generation of those come and gone. The timeline itself doesn't really make sense to me, although I give a nod to eschatology.

God must take great delight in seeing lives unfold, or not, as He weaves this all together.

Juxtaposed with an influx of positive speakers/writers talking about making the days count, be the best you today(!), One Word(!), are the questions of what the heck are we doing here?

I watch Cory going through what others have before, but none of that touched me. Now it does. It doesn't make any sense to me. Headache after headache and no answer. No relief. No recess from the pain.

My question to God early in this was, "Is this too difficult to relieve?"

I felt terrible asking it. One, because it put on display my utter lack of faith. Two, because of the complete disconnect with reality. When these things take place, time seems suspended and things take place like an out of body experience. What's worse is time is wasted.

Time is wasted on turning inward. There is a numbing that can permeate if not dealt with by connecting with something or someone.

I've found my faith lacking in the grandest of ways.

Lord, help me in my unbelief.